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Relationship Stages
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Relationship Stages Tips
Relationship Stages Continue ...
Still At Stage 2: For people reared on MTV and romance
novels, this can be unsettling. You mean that every day isn't
about fresh bouquets of flowers and passionate speeches of
undying love? Nope! It's about the things that really matter in
life - being a best friend. With all the ups and downs and
hardships that life has, having a true best friend that is
dedicated to being beside you through life is about the best
thing you could possibly hope for. So cherish it!
Stage 3: Actually, This is Pretty Good.
Stage 3 in most relationships is the settling down with the
notion that "this is rather good after all!" It's the
reconciling that life *isn't* about non-stop romance, but it is
about constant, meaningful tenderness. But as you start to get
comfortable with that idea, the little things that were "cute"
in the beginning of the relationship now start to grate on you.
Yes, it was "cute" that he went out every Friday night with the
guys, but now you'd really like to be able to go to the movies
with him instead. Yes it was "cute" that she was completely
inept in the kitchen, but sheesh, you'd just like a non-burned
meal every once in a while! Those little grating annoyances can
start go be like water torture ... drip ... drip ... drip ...
until finally you explode in anger over something that really
wasn't that important.
The important thing
here is to realize that every one of us is an individual, and we
each have good AND bad parts. Yes, your partner has some
annoying traits. We ALL do. Undoubtedly some traits of yours
annoy your partner. And since your partner has had that trait
embedded into him (or her) over MANY, MANY years, the chance of
you just saying "change!" and it working is slim. Yes, your
partner may say he/she wishes to change! Yes, your partner might
really try! But it's not that easy. If it were, we'd all be
model-thin, nobody would smoke, and we'd all be incredibly rich.
Life just isn't like that. If something is a part of you, it can
be really, really hard if not impossible to alter it.
Remember, that annoying trait has probably always been part of
what made up your partner. And in the past maybe you thought it
was cute, or maybe you didn't even notice it. The *only* thing
which has changed is your perception of it. So while in some
cases you can try to gently help your partner change (i.e. feed
you both more healthy foods if your partner is overweight, offer
fun outside activities if your partner is out of shape), you
also have to accept that this is one of the strange-but-true
aspects of your partner. It shouldn't be something you
constantly beat your partner up about. It shouldn't be something
that you badmouth your partner about in company. You have to
love ALL of your partner, and that includes accepting that
he/she is NOT perfect.
Stage 4: We're
Happy Together
After you've been with your partner a while, you truly are best
friends. You've made it through good times and bad times. You
trust each other that you won't run off if things get bad - you
know you're in it for the long haul. You've seen each other at
your best, and you've seen each other on those rumpled mornings
when you feel completely awful. Yes, you know you're both not
perfect. But what you are, you accept with love and affection.
Your relationship isn't about rushing to look fancy all the time
- you like each other just the way you are normally. It's also
not about yelling and screaming and name-calling. Those are all
ways to demean a person. You wouldn't want to demean your best
friend! If you start to get grumpy about something, one of you
will back off and talk about it later. You grow to learn when
one of you is upset about a topic and to work around it.
Congratulations if you've reached this stage - this is what real
love is all about.
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